YCAC vs. Acorn: 16 January

After arriving at the club and seeing we had almost 23 players (many of whom looked surprisingly well rested and even eager to play!), you could forgive me for feeling just a little bit confident…..but alas I was getting too far ahead of myself. While many bodies had indeed turned up, none of them had actually come to play. Instead, as I was to later find out, we were merely actors in a commemorative documentary about the ACORN rugby club. While speaking with the referee, I unfortunately missed the Director’s pre-shoot instructions which I can only assume were something like, “OK you round-eyes….dis is whata I wana you to do. First I wana you to play like big fat slow Kentucky Fried chicken eating slobs while fast and far superior ACORN player run though you like turn-style at Tokyo station….Ho Ho Ho…Hee..Hee..Hee. Then…justo when no-one tink ito possible…you suddenly makea biggu cumubakku..butto of course too late-to – coz you dum round-eye”.

Little did I know, we would follow his script to a tee. Other than a couple of tries to Deane “George Costanza” Stallard in the first half designed to make the game look more realistic than “Invictus”, for the first three quarters ACORN ran through the YCAC’s defensive lines like a hot knife through butter. So much so there were many angry cries from the film crew of “Stop over acting!!” and “at least try and make it look like a tackle!”. Then after a quick nod by the director in the final quarter, YCAC came back with four unanswered tries to Dean “George Costanza” Stallard, Nathan “Nicolas Cage” Pflaum, Eps “Herve Villechaize” Tuibenau and Chris “Joaquin Phoenix” Mander. Suddenly, YCAC could draw the game!!! But this was not going to script making the director go nutts!! ….but thankfully Ben “George Clooney” Duncan (Yes he had to pay me for that one!), a veteran of over 40 movies himself (most of them adult) stepped forward to take the kick. Like a true pro, he allowed the ball to slice off his boot before falling to his knees “Platoon” style with an anguish look of pain which will surely see him nominated for an award at the next Cannes film festival.

The directer said “Datts a Taku” and so ended the YCAC’s first cameo movie appearance. Unfortunately the game will none-the-less go down in the record books as a loss to ACORN, but we all know it is “Film” who is the true winner!


YCAC: 34

YCAC Tries: Dean (3), Nathan Pflaum(1), Eps Tuibenau (1), Chris Mander (1)
YCAC Conversions: Ben Duncan (2)



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