Sunday 16 March

Sunday morning. A gusty wind blows headlong through Yamate. Captain Rhino won the toss and elected to play with the wind: decision-making on a par with New Zealand’s choice of hull/crew/skipper/venue in the America’s Cup. Les Frogs had arrived early and in force: no party, therefore no hangover after being out-played and out-sung in the 12-15 loss to Ireland the night before. The early exchanges saw YCAC camp on the French line, but then a break away. Like a convention of garlic sellers making a dawn raid on a vampires’ morgue, the French slashed through the YCAC back division to score under the posts. 7-0 to Les Poodles. But the brave YCAC boys fought back. How often have Captain Rhino and Fraser teamed up to breach foreign defences and score. Today was no exception: this time Captain Rhino was the wing-man and Fraser muscled over for a try. Not content with scoring, he duly converted: 7-7. Les Smelly Cheese mounted another counter-attack and pinned YCAC in their 22. The impressario in Captain Rhino got the better of him. Instead of clearing his lines, he did an impression of his countryman (Al Ferris) playing at fly half. The ball skewed into the All France winger’s hands for a score under the posts: 7-12. And all thought soon to be 7-14. But, no. There have been many turning points in history. Marie Antoinette’s cakes at Versailles, Nelson’s flags at Trafalgar and Wellington’s boots at Waterloo. But at Yamate, when it really mattered Le Quiff. Fraser Jamieson flicked Le Quiff skywards and his fringe charged down the All France kick. Hoorah for a mighty head of hair!
Onward to victory! There were many cameo performances on that field of dreams. Mike “I am married now so I have erased 109 from my memory” Benner took a fantastic kick-off reception. Blake Harrap scored two impressive tries. Stuart Bills had a superb second half (having not turned up for the first half). Go “I am not passing to those girlie backs because they just mess it up” Kawai took a quick penalty 10 metres from the line and bullocked over for a try. And, of course, the Goatee Brothers: Scott and Hoskie who guillotined more French that day than Madam Bouverie. One of the Goatee Brothers won Man of the Match, but in truth it belonged to Le Quiff. YCAC 21 All France 18

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