3 Oct 2010 – YCAC Gents vs Fujisawa West

YCAC Gents vs Fujisawa West
Match report by Jason Dunn and photos by Kyoko Obayashi

Gents 29 – Fujisawa West 19
Tries: Willie Brimman (2), Aran Delaney, Judo Joe, Sias
Conversions: Wille Lapthorn, Jason Dunn

After various formal complaints concerning lost revenues by the Japan Orthopedic Association, the Gents 2010/2011 season finally got off to a hamstring pulling, knee to the head – smashing start!

Both teams were greeted by near perfect conditions which did little to help the various casualties of Brimman’s birthday drinks the night before (yeah…thanks for the invite Mate?), not to mention a Samoan disco night that left Ben Patu looking like he had just gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.

However, once the game kicked off, the Vicker made it clear he wouldn’t be taking the softly softly approach with his hung-over club-mates. After an uzi like machine gun spay of penalties against the home side, the Gents soon found themselves under the posts on the receiving end of 7 points. Little did they know, he was only warming up!

After some quick tries by the birthday boy Brimman “Private Party” Frazer and Aran “I’ll just plastic bag it” Delaney (plus a Willie conversion), the Gents were soon on the receiving end of a lesson in the rugby laws. Not even the bewildered puppy dog expression on the face of Kenji “what 10 meters” Yoshioka could temper the Vickers onslaught. After almost a dozen penalties concerning offside defensive play, the Vicker had no choice but to award a penalty try. The Gents quickly replied with a break out move finished off by “Judo” Joe, but their elation was short lived. After some very unevenly matched scrums the Vicker was forced to request no pushing at scum-time, which for a Gents team, is similar to deciding to castrate a horny three legged, deaf and blind dog. The Gent’s only weapon had been taken away from them and as the half drew to a close, a number of worried faces walked off the pitch (Gents 17; Fujisawa West 12).

In the second half without the power of their scrum the Gents struggled initially to retain position with a number of promising breaks ending in the ball being turned over. Panic started to show on the faces of the payers…but then came the moment we’d all been waiting for…… Is it a bird?…, is it a plane?… is it “Master Po” from that old David Carradine Kung Fu TV series??? No – it was El Presidente warming up to come on!! Within minutes of getting on the field he had already kung-fu-style man-handled two of the opposition to the ground and made a number of searing karate chop runs through the defensive lines before taking a round-house blow to the head – “hai-ya!”. Having decided he had done more in his first one and half minutes than anyone else had done in the entire game (or was likely to do) he promptly retired hurt. The oppositions spirit, however, had been crushed like a stale fortune cookie.

From there, the Gents were able to run in two well constructed tries to Sias “Man Mountain” Potgieter (converted by JD) and Brimmin “Private Party” Frazer to the Opposition’s one converted try, bringing the score to 29-19 in favor of the Gents.

With time running out and fearing Master Po may soon return, the opposition quickly resorted to their own fowl play and decided to have a crack at the Gents half-back Dougal “grasshopper” Robertson. After jumping on poor Dougie before he had even got his little hobbit hands on the ball a “small” tussle broke out and Hiro “Knobbly Knees” Iino decided to take matters into his own hands…or knees as it turned out… Not to be out done by Master Po he delivery a perfectly executed kung fu move called “Fooka Yoo” (which loosely translates to “hairy knee in face”) and was promptly yellow carded from the field by a now infuriated Vicker.

Given that the game was unlikely to get any more exciting, the Vicker did the only sensible thing and blew the full time whistle.

Thankfully, there were no major injuries other than Sam Stephen’s complaint of a torn shoulder pad. Unfortunately for Sam, he appears to be making a habit of tearing all protective equipment he uses.

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