28 Mar 2009 YCAC vs London Japanese

YCAC 36  London Japanese 12 (HT 5-12)
Tries: Dean Stallard, David Dix (2), Grant Thompson (2), Chris Mander
Conversions: Tristan Fahy (3)

In the first-ever rugby match under lights at YCAC the mighty Gents emerged victorious after a hard-fought match with London Japanese.
London Japanese are the intelligencia of Tokyo rugby: Educated at Tokyo and Waseda Universities, expats in London, perfect English and jobs with blue-chip companies. They are also canny ba$tards and always come to YCAC with a dirty trick or two up their sleeve. Last year they forced us into uncontested scrums by claiming they had no front-row and won the referee (Steve “The Vicar” Lewis) over with flattery, pretending to mistake him for YCAC’s resident Sex God and Hugh Grant look-alike by calling him “Fraser” throughout the match. This year they again employed a two-prong attack, first pleading lenience leading up to the match by saying that they had a weak squad (but actually turning up with a handful of fit university rugby players as ring-ins) and second organizing for Vicar to go on a “outing” immediately prior to the match where heavy drinking was required. It is relatively common for YCAC members to play matches hung-over but to have a YCAC member actually referee a match while still pi$sed was certainly a novel experience!
London Japanese’s devious approach paid early dividends for them and they raced to a 12-nil lead against a YCAC side still half-asleep after the cricket match against Minporen last week and a Vicar who was concentrating too hard on putting one foot in front of the other to apply his normal home-team bias. Luckily these two early tries served as a wake-up call for the home side. YCAC decided it was time to go back to basics and you can’t get any more basic than front-rower and captain for the day, Dean “Fish” Stallard, who scored YCAC’s first try of the match by breaking from the back of a maul close to the opposition line. However, despite Stallard’s try YCAC still found themselves trailing at the break so it was decided to make some changes and introduce super-subs Matthieu “Frog” Vignaud, Will “Crowbar” Whetstone, “Slow” Joe Fisher and Grant “Mr. Normal” Thompson into the match. This injection of fresh legs worked well with YCAC scoring two tries shortly after half-time, one an excellent solo effort from Mr. Normal.
These two quick YCAC scores really took the spirit out of London Japanese and after playing an excellent first half they reverted to type and became more English than the English for the rest of the match: Whining to the referee, complaining about the weather and wanting to stop for cups of tea on the sideline every five minutes. With this drop in focus from the opposition the YCAC side took control of the match. It also helped YCAC that their 16th man started to sober up a little in the second half and the flow of the game started to suddenly go in YCAC’s direction.
With everything now going their way YCAC finished off the match with a try to Chris “Benedict Arnold” Mander, second tries to Mr. Normal and David “Dixie” Dix. The performance of Dixie was particularly pleasing in this match. After all, it must be fairly psychologically damaging for a 2 meter former Wallaby lock to find himself relegated to the role of lifting a 1.5 meter midget (Mike “Masivo Big Daddy” King) in the YCAC Gents line-out. However, to give credit where credit is due, Dixie has kept turning up and with Masivo Big Daddy out on baby duty Dixie finally got the responsibility he was craving in the YCAC pack for this match. Of course, as true champions always will, he responded with an inspired performance.
With the match won it was time to repair to the bar and here again London Japanese proved to be a feisty opponent. After insisting on a right to speak in the aftermatch their representative went on to give a defiant spiel (in fluent English) which included the following gem:
“You may be bigger than me in height, but I am bigger than you in my pants and you may score more tries than us on the field, but we will score more tries than you in Roppongi tonight.”
If this guy had been around for the now infamous d!ck-off a few weeks ago he may have been a bit more hesitant to challenge our manhoods in this way, but with neither Masivo or Sushi present no YCAC players rushed forward to the challenge.
We are already looking forward to hosting London Japanese again next year.


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