23 Jan – YCAC Gents XV 34, Donkeys 0 & YCAC First XV 38, Tokyo Gaijin 0

Tries: Robertson Jnr. (3), Niall Jefferson, Robertson Snr., Dan Clark. Cons: Ben Patu (4)
Tries: Jason Dunn (3), Linsay Arand (2), MIKE KING. Cons: Fraser Jamieson (2)

The Book of Revelation states that bizarre and apocalyptic incidents will herald the End Of The World and after events at Yamate on Sunday, the team’s investment bankers were besieging their travel agents for seats on a sky-rocket to the Moon. Mike “Enka” King scored for the second week in succession (after a five-year drought interrupted only by a solitary try when guesting for London Japanese). Scott Sizemore went a whole game without conceding a penalty or stamping on the oppo (last week, Scottie stamped on Rob Jee and was heard to mutter “take that you namby-pamby English softie”). Fraser Jamieson announced that he had lost 10kg with the result that his arse is now marginally smaller than Konishiki’s. Lindsey Arrand went an entire game without a moan or an asthma attack 9and scored two tries to boot). Jason “Run Forest” Dunn scored a hat-trick of tries and would have scored a fourth but for a shocking forward pass a metre from the line by Dougal Robertson. And, perhaps most shocking of all, the Vicar admitted to dating a white bird.
For those of you still at your computers who have not quite fathomed the magnitude of these portents of doom, the other notable performances were outstanding tackling by the entire team; Ben Kiggell’s athletic and indeed almost balletic leaps in the line out to secure a steady stream of possession; Gareth Hayward’s long awaited return which saw him galloping around the paddock as if he had never been away; and Moolman Senior combining with Moolman Junior to become the latest member of the father/son combo club to grace the field for the YCAC Gents. Rumours that Doddie and his son took the father/son combo to the extremist of extremes with a further off-field combo involving a serving wench in a blue uniform are hotly denied by Doddie (although, as ever, have inevitably been claimed with gusto by Terry “I’m no fairy, in fact, I’m homophobic” Dixon).

Inspired by Mike King’s 5-point heroics, Dan Clark finally overcame his try line phobia and dotted down as one of six tries in a convincing win for the first XV. The forwards went at it hard right from kick-off and Jameo was looking to make the hit of the game early on with a few stray stiff arms but didnªft quite connect. Unfortunately it was a Gaijin player early in the half who took the honour of the biggest hit of the game as he dined out on Brookey’s well presented dish of Rob Jee. Rob was left gasping for breath but it certainly wasnªft going to be the last we were going to see of the Jee-Unit. We dominated most of the match and when we managed to get ourselves set up in the Gaijin 22 we were able to expose their backs. Jimmy Robertson was there to take the gap from some well timed passes from the insides and sliced through the Gaijin centers to dot down under the posts twice in the first half. He also scored one on the outside in the half, which Ben didnªft convert, to made the half time score 19-0.
For the start of the second half The Mad Doctor Niall was pulled into the centres after Kieron injured his back in the first half. With his wife on the sideline looking on and close to catching pneumonia Niall diagnosed the situation and decided the best thing for her would be to inject himself. After slotting into the midfield he made it look easy by bursting through the Gaijin and scoring near the posts. Mid-way through the second half Rob Jee was back in the action and showing no signs of the knock that he took early in the first. He proved his worth as an open side flanker and reminiscent of Richie McCaw ripped the ball from the opposition in a tackle situation, ran the ball into space, drew in the last line of Gaijin defence before offloading to Robertson Snr. for our second try of the half. And what about Dan? Five metres out from the Gaijin line, Dopey joined the back of a ruck. With a shoulder to lean on it was inevitable that he immediately fell in to a deep slumber. He awoke to find the ball tucked under his left arm and the ball sitting nicely just over the white line, which had proven to be his nemesis through out the early part of the season.
The match was finished on an eloquent note by the birthday boy and soon-to-be-departing Hayden Scown, who managed to get in a well timed ªgdonªft kick you f$#ken moronªh that echoed around YCAC just before the final whistle. It was aimed at none other than the omnipresent Rob Jee, who must have finally been feeling the effects of the hit early on when he decided to kick while surrounded by numerous backs hungry to finish off the game with a try.
Ben Patu made a big return to the field, kicked four conversions and contributed in every other aspect of the game to win the man of the match.

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    L29 – 0 Sat Aug 30th
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    L41 – 21 Sun Sept 28th
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    W40 – 27 Sun Oct 26th
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    L76 – 3 Sun Nov 30th
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    W96 – 0 Sat Dec 6th
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    L17 -10 Sun Dec 14th
    Acorn W62 - 7 Sun Mar 8th, 1.30pm
    Itochu Cancelled Sun Mar 15th, 1.30pm
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    56th YC&AC Japan Sevens Ryutsu Keizai University Sun Apr 12th