20 Jan 2008 – YCAC Gents vs London Japanese | YCAC 1st vs Kurumi

YCAC Gents 41, London Japanese 27 (HT 17-17), YCAC 1st Team 48, Kurumi 19 (HT 24-7)
Gents Match Report – Steve Lewis, 1sts Match Report – Joe Fisher

YCAC Gents
Tries: Dougal, Kenji Redgloves, Dom Townsend, Joe Fisher, Sias, Yui Itoh, Arnaud
Cons: Fraser (2), Matt Dimond (1)

London Japanese are the intelligencia of Tokyo rugby: educated at Tokyo/Waseda Universities, expats in London, perfect English and jobs with blue-chip companies. They are also canny b*st*rds and neutralised two of YCAC’s most potent weapons prior to kick-off. First, they claimed to have no props within their 17 man squad and so forced the all powerful Gents’ Front Row to succumb to the indignity of non-contested scrums. Second, they turned the notoriously biased Vicar against his own team by the most devilish of tactics. So what, I hear you say, could make The Vicar favour the oppo: Bribery, Blackmail, Sexual Favours…? Can’t be Bribery as he has got a bob or two and can’t be Blackmail or Sexual Favours as the transgressions with choirboys have ceased since his recent marriage. Instead, those crafty London Japanese resorted to that most devious of methods… Flattery. Immediately prior to kick off, the London Japanese Captain greeted the Vicar with “Hello, Fraser…”. The Vicar was chuffed to bits to be mistaken for our resident Sex God and Hugh Grant look-alike, Fraser Jamieson and spent the entire first half awarding London Japanese penalty after penalty. As a result, London Japanese took an early lead and it was only tries from 1st Team guests Dougal “Does My Head Gear Cover My Bald Spot” Robertson, Kenji “Now Its Bitterly Cold You Don’t Give Me So Much Stick About My Redgloves” Yoshioka and Dominic “I’m Such A Highly-Tuned Athlete I Get Injured In Every Game” Townsend that kept the YCAC Gents in contention.

Fortunately, London Japanese reverted to type in the second half and gave The Vicar the Verbals that his refereeing deserves with the result that the penalty count evened out. The game was still in the balance when YCAC literary sent on the “Heavy Brigade” in the form of Sias, Erich and Dai Okada. Five metre scrums, rolling mauls and line-out drives became de rigueur resulting in tries for Joe Fisher and Sias “Four Tries In One Afternoon Is More Than I Have Scored In My Entire Career” Potgieter. Arnaud the Necrophiliac scored a final try to put the match beyond doubt, thereby extending the Gents 100% record to the end of January.

Special mentions to Jason Dunn and Dominic Townsend who both pulled hammies and will be out of action for at least 2-3 weeks. Given that one’s wife has just given birth and the other’s girlfriend lives overseas, we expect that hammies will not be the only things that they will be pulling prior to their return to the rugby field.

The Vicar

YCAC 1st
Tries: Go Ito (2), Sias Potgieter (3), Dougal Robertson, Matt Creagh, Maui Magele
Cons: Ben Duncan (4)

As the Gents scorecard reveals, the 1sts build-up was again disjointed with a number of players seeing action in the early match at the Yamate Oval. However, after a midweek warning from the Vicar, ‘Slow’ Joe Fisher did try to put the players in the correct frame of mind by warning them before the match that Kurumi would be a ‘Very Good’ side.

Upon kick-off it became apparent that the Vicar’s prediction of the opposition’s abilities was on the money. Kurumi tackled like demons right from the opening whistle, giving an excellent illustration of the old adage that players can’t run without their legs. Luckily, the 1sts managed to keep their concentration in the face of Kurumi’s strong defence and played smart rugby while waiting patiently for gaps to appear. The openings did finally appear and the 1sts finished the match with a very good win.

While there were excellent tries to the speedsters Go ‘The Shadow’ Ito (2), ‘Frugal’ Dougal Robertson, Matt ‘Matty’ Creagh and Maui ‘Apocolypto’ Magele, the obvious talking point in the score sheet is Sias’s three touch-downs. After three weeks holiday in the homeland, dining each night on portions of braai larger than several of the Kurumi backline, the big South African was in an unstoppable mood in his first match back. The only hitch came during the scoring of his third try. By this point most of the Kurumi team had simply given up trying to tackle the Pot Heater and allowed him a 25 meter unopposed stroll over the line. However, having never scored a try on his feet before Sias was suddenly overcome with confusion when he crossed the white chalk. Fortunately, at this point the opposition fullback, perhaps feeling some slight twitch of guilt at his team’s cowardice, came in to try and make a dramatic, over-the-line try-saving tackle. Shocked back into life, Potgieter did what came natural, steamrolled over the top of the poor brave fool, tripped over the still-twitching body and managed to ground the ball in the process.

Aside from the big Pot Heater, a special mention should also go to the 1sts Man of the Match, Erich ‘The Freezer’ Friess, who worked tirelessly all day to deliver excellent quality of ball for the backs (and Sias) to take advantage of. Unfortunately, Freezer did blot his copybook for the day somewhat by his abysmal “drinking failure” in the Man of the Match drink-off against Kurumi’s dandy fly half. A prop losing a boat race to a back is embarrassing enough, but a prop losing to a fly half resplendent in his suede coat and cashmere scarf is shameful beyond words.

Joe Fisher


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