18 Jan – YCAC Gents XV 32, All France 17 & YCAC First XV 75, Quill 17

In days gone by, it was just the Brits who relished the “Drama in Yokohama” that is the annual punch-up with the French. But this year, our Yankee cousins approached the game with glee. Pre-match preparations included gorging on Freedom Fries and pillaging all women with under-arm hair (for you boys at the Base; worth double-checking whether it’s a French bird or an Italian packing a salami truncheon).
To confuse the French, the Gents selected Simon “I may have a poofy French name, but I’m solid British beef” Tross-Youle. To confuse YCAC Gents, the French gave us Richard “I may have a poofy French accent, but I can’t speak a word of the lingo” Addey. Of course, the Gents were totally fooled and as Richard was tipping us off that the line-out ball was going to the back, the French threw to the front and piled over for the opening score. Unfortunately for the French, the kissing and cuddling that followed their first try distracted a number of their more effeminate players (ie the twelve who were French) and Niall Jefferson plunged over for a debut try soon after.
Scores were traded and it was very close when the whistle went for half-time. Only 5 minutes after the restart, though, we had the moment that changed the game. All France’s South African fly-half had already scored after a couple of beautiful dummies and a 30 yard run. He broke clear again. One man to beat. But that man was Lindsey “Man of the World” Arrand. He knew how to win the match single-handed. Quick as a flash (literally) he grabbed the South African’s shorts, pulled them down and exposed the full moon. Not only was the South African forced to let go of the ball (to ensure Lindsey let go of his ball) but he was engulfed in a feeding-frenzy of French homo-eroticism not seen since Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter last performed together at a Children’s Party.
The now totally distracted French were blown away. Chris Osborn scored a superb break-away try from his own half and further tries were added by Adam and Morgan to seal the match for the Gents.
Tries : Chris Osborn (2), Niall Jefferson, Adam Graveset, Morgan Parker, Penalty Chris Osborn, Cons Chris Osborn (2)

Thoroughout the week, quite of few of the boys asked me “who are Quill?” It’s not an especially memorable or descriptive name, like the Tokyo French or the London Japanese, so other than the recollection of a dingey white jersey with a Quill (feather pen) logo I couldn’t say much. On Sunday, the Quill chaps rocked up wearing blaze orange tops – a few thoughts came to mind: Go Kawai (who likes the color orange, as evidenced by his socks and shorts) might switch sides, these guys were deer hunters, who made a wrong turn, or perhaps this team goes by another name, the Amsterdam Japanese.
With the bright jerseys on the opposition, even our most colorblind players, knew who not to throw the ball to. And thus we had heaps of ball – more ball than we knew what to do with. Some spectacular individual efforts unfortunately went for naught as nobody (from the YCAC) could keep up with Al “Run Forest” Ferris on a 60m jaunt, and although James “Princey” Robertson caught up to Maui “Wowie” Magele, on a 85m blinder, he couldn’t catch the pass. Fraser Jamieson stood tall in the 10 spot, but needs to work on his kicking if he expects not to be moved into the second row. James Rogers hadn’t had anybody pull on his groin in a while, but managed to pull it himself during the game. We got a debut try by Johan “Cape Town Dreaming” Slabbert. On the day, we scored 13 tries and generally worked out the kinks from a long holiday layover.
Tries: Chris McWilliam 2, Johan Slabbert 2, Dougal Robertson 2, Micheal Brooke, Fraser Jamiseon, Go Kawai, James Rogers, James Robertson, Maui Magele, Keiron Dwyer. Cons: Fraser Jamieson 4/12, Maui Magele 1/1

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