1 Feb 2009 – YCAC vs Chiba Akahanehama Fellows | YCAC Gents vs Donkeys

YCAC 32 – Chiba Akahanehama Fellows 19 (HT: 22-14)
Maui Magele (2), Dougal Robertson, Ben Duncan, Sias Potgieter, Jason Buchanan
Cons: Ben Duncan

YCAC Gents 28 – Donkeys 26 (HT: 0-21)
Matt Dimond, Fraser Jamieson, Adam Kennedy, Will Whetstone
Cons: Fraser Jamieson (4)

YCAC 1sts 

The big confrontation is less than an hour away and your unit of fifteen has been cut down to just eleven able-bodied men – Shoeless has succumbed to a leg injury, Cannon and the Dominator are pushing paper behind the front lines and Fish is missing in action. What do you do? Who do you call? The Marines of course. In particular, you call two of the finest from the United States Marine Corps – Jason “Bucket” Buchanan and returning hero “Big” Luke Raimo.

Wait a minute, we were down by four heads and these are only two guys I hear you saying? Well, the answer is that we don’t give nicknames out lightly at YCAC and when we call a man “Big” we really mean it. And so it was that at approximately 14:45 (Japan Standard Time) on the first day of the second month of the two thousand and ninth year Anno Domini the 150 kg colossus “Big” Luke Raimo single-handedly saved the YCAC 1st XV by taking the place of three men and becoming the entire front row by himself!

Given such a platform it was unsurprising that the YCAC scrum and lineout gelled well and dominated the opposition for the entirety of the match. However, even in a forward effort built on teamwork, Daisuke “Silent Assassin” Okada deserves individual praise for his accurate line-out throwing in the face of hurricane-force winds.

With a steady stream of good quality ball coming their way several of the YCAC backs took full advantage. Ben “Silver Fox” Duncan had a busy game, Will “Crowbar” Whetstone was his usual impressive self and produced one moment of brilliance to allow Dougal “The Housewife” Robertson get back onto the score sheet after a long absence.

However, the star of the show in the YCAC backs was definitely Maui “Apocalypto” Magele. The breadth and depth of Maui’s talents is demonstrated by the variety of nicknames which have been bandied about for him. The one we use most often is “Apocalypto”, recognition that with his swarthy complexion and chiselled physique, Maui is surely the YCAC player most likely to win a part in a Mel Gibson movie – despite Mike “Masivo” King’s desperate attempts to replace Joe Pesci in the next Lethal Weapon instalment. Alongside “Apocalypto”, Maui’s huge hits on the rugby field have sometimes led to use of the moniker “Chiropractor”, a title he shares with his countryman Brian Lima, a veteran of an amazing five World Cups for Samoa, and another huge tackler. However, with two kids (and a lovely wife) all before the age of 25, it is clear that the rugby field is not the only place where Maui is quick off the mark and shuns protection of any kind so the Committee are currently mulling over a new nickname for him … “Shotgun”.


YCAC Gents
I regretfully announce that Vicar has declined to write a match report for this game as he has been informed this week that he is currently under investigation by the IRB Referees Committee concerning the number of Gents matches where the second half goes on for just long enough for YCAC to score the winning try.

Whilst Vicar strenuously denies all allegations of match-fixing he has been advised by his legal team that it would not be prudent to set down anything in writing regarding the match in question at this time.

Nor is he prepared to comment on the try which he awarded to Fraser “Buffalo Butt” Jamieson during the second half which some have called the turning point of the game and others have called a blatant knock-on.

Finally, he absolutely refuses to comment on the try which he awarded to Will “Crowbar” Whetstone which some have called the match-winning score and others have called a blatant push of an opposition player off the ball and deserving of a penalty against YCAC.

Please refer all further queries on this matter to savethevicar@herbertlewis.com.

Joe Fisher
Lead Counsel
Save the Vicar Foundation


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